I had a conversation with a friend about the research I'm starting on "unlimited love". At the beginning of our conversation I told her that I felt more uneasy and cautious approaching people to interview them about their love experiences than I did when I interviewed people about their spiritual experiences. That speaking about love experiences felt to me more delicate, loaded and vulnerable than speaking about anything else.
We tried to understand why that was. Maybe because love and sexuality are so closely related. Maybe because our longing to be loved is so strong, that it makes us feel particularly vulnerable. Maybe because this longing is connected to our experience as newborn, and our desire to return to that experience. Maybe because the love relationships we have/had were/are complex and loaded with subconscious needs and desires that we act out and feel embarressed about. Maybe our love experiences are like cracks in the armor otherwise covering our emotional body.
Then we spoke about the structure of the interview and specific questions it should include. After we discussed that for a while, my friend asked me: What is your own question or questions about unlimited love? What makes you, on a completely personal level, interested in this specific topic?
I told her that I saw myself as someone whose love was profoundly limited and conditional. That I wanted to expand my love-ability so that I could love unconditionally. That this was the real reason I was interested in this research topic.
Then I added: You know, I'm aware how difficult it is for me to say this. My voice got lower and hoarser, I almost chocked when I said it. Here is an example of why it's such a loaded subject and why it's not easy to talk about it.